Wasted!

I'm supposed to be studying today but for some reason my attention is diverted to this internet thingy... I have wasted another important day of my life. Had been shopping and browsing till my eyes popped out. By the way, one of the guy we lived with is moving out this weekend, and he's so busy taking all his stuff. I'm gonna miss him though, he's lovely to have him around and my little girl loves him. They play around very nicely and I think he's a good influence to her. At some point my daughter grows up with men around the house, so she always said to me "mummy I wanna be a boy".
Better get back then to my books and papers duh!

It's been a year!

It's been over a year since I posted my thoughts here... I haven't got anything to say to really. I was off line for a while because my family has been so hurt. Until now, we're all still healing.
We mourn in different way, some doesn't want to mention a thing, some wants to talk about it and remember the good times, some just want to keep themselves busy so there wouldn't have a minute to even remember it and some cried a lot until the tears washes all away the pain... I haven't got a clue how painful this would be until one of us left us. Anyone will always be surprised when no one's expected to come and go...
Life is like a plant... there's always be time to grow its leaves, blossoms and suddenly wilt. But it is very sad to cut its flower at its peak before it wilts. The pain is indescribable, it is surreal and it leaves a great scar in my heart.

Punting in Cambridge

Few photos here to show a little bit of Cambrigde. Punting is very common tourist activities in Cambridge. It is very romantic and stunning view to enjoy with loveones. These photos I took when we went punting with my office colleague last month. The first photo is called The Mathematical Bridge which connects to the University - Queens College. This bridge was built on 1749. On the second photo, you can see the wooden bridge, it is where I cycle everyday to work. It leads to the foothpath by the river and nice green grassy park on the otherside.

Just a little bit of flavour of this place for now.

Opposite Attracts

I am just surprised, well sort of – that some of our qualities as Filipina, that we don’t like in ourselves, people would spend a lot of money for them to have it.

One day, my friend came in the office with an orange stripe on her ankle. She warned me saying, “Don’t mind my ankle, I’ve got stripes from my fake tan, I didn’t rub it evenly”. I was smiling and said, “Don’t you know that I wanted to have fair skin like you?” And she was stunned with awe because all along she adored my naturally tan skin. Huh! She made a real fuss and told everybody in the office about it, and they laugh at me because they love my skin-colour. I was in a hotseat for awhile listening to my story that back in the Philippines all you can see is Whitening lotions, and most of the beauty products have whitening substance in it. They won’t believe me at all! They were and still are thinking that I am just making the stories up. I wasn’t and I am not, I can prove it right? I googled it and proved them wrong. Back in our land, girls with tanned skin are unattractive and not beautiful and boys won’t lay eyes on them – no chance. That’s why we tried very hard to get the right colour for us to be beautiful and attractive.

When I first came here in England, I was thinking… Gosh! My skin will be lighter now, as its cold and the sunshine wont burn my skin. I look around in shops to buy whitening lotion, but I couldn’t find. In fact, I can only find tanning lotion instead. What the hell! Why the hell these products are sold? We want whitening but never a TANNING lotion!!! Honestly, it never occurred to my mind that there are people struggling to have tanned skin. They even have tanning saloon, that you have to pay a quid to burn your skin in a “blue light thingy”… and you would look hilarious in a tiny black eye covers. High-end tan maintenance is very expensive. They’ve got someone spray like a brown paint in your whole body with clothes off.

Anyway, another thing that they are conscious about is the tiny hair on their legs and arms… To me, there’s nothing wrong with that, I like to have one as it’s a bit sexy and again… attractive. My skin looks like a deserted place that no plant will grow. I never had it on my skin, and never wax nor shave it. They told me that I am the luckiest person in the world (with exaggeration of course huh) that I don’t need to spend hundreds of Pounds to wax that hairy bits. It opened my mind to appreciate what I got is more than enough to be attractive.

Another classic thing is, people with straight hair will curl it and people with curly hair will straighten it. We are never happy and content of what we’ve got. We can never appreciate it either. But as a person, no matter how you look like, CONFIDENCE is the key word. If you have it in your heart and mind, you are sexy and beautiful. So ladies, don’t despair if you have the qualities that you don’t like, because it’s the most appreciated things in the foreign land. I will never change my colour and I will never change my image to conform to what the society is expecting of. Don’t be chameleon. Just like in friendship, a friend should never change no matter what happened. We all know this that once we found one true friend, we are very lucky… 

Where the road ahead is uncertain

Looking at this photo alone will remind us that in life there is always uncertainties. It is very humbling in ourselves, that in any way we are equal. No matter what you think of yourself, no matter what status you are in the society, the underlying truth is - we are all human being and there is God who made us.

This one alone explains about life. There is no degree of knowledge and understanding that encompass God's plan to each one of us. And it is all up to us to recognise it.

Summer Solstice

It's in the middle of summer now and still doesn't feel as warm as back home in the Philippines. I didn't realise that last Friday was the longest day of the year, and mostly Pagan celebrate this day to honor their Gods and Godesses. It's quite a big event for them which they gathered around in Stonehenge, England. Last year, we were supposed to go and see, but of course, with my baby in tow it would have been difficult. I have my personal opinion with all these beliefs and superstition, although I wont deny am a little bit superstitious. What can I say, when you grow up in the Philippines, and we're told to do this and that without any clear reason why. Sometimes its alright but as soon as you become fanatic, this will bring you into trouble. I am still a bit skeptical with all these.

Anyway, Father's day was yesterday... Got my husband 2 shirts and card. I had just called my Papa to greet him and chocs & card for FIL. We did a family outing yesterday too with my in-laws. It was great fun day, just cycling around the lake, exploring the countryside then went out for a meal at the nearby hotel. You can't beat the beauty of nature and good food altogether.

Fast forward

It's been quite a while since I blog. This page is currently collecting dust, but hopefully, I will have more time this year. I'd love to update my blog and have some time for myself since I've been very busy lately. I had a lot on my plate and there are times that I just want to dissappear, hybernate perhaps. Not a good idea though.

Anyhow, my parents are here in the UK. They will be here up until March 2009. They haven't expected that 5 months felt so long for them and they started feeling homesick. A lot of worries back home, that I thought they could relax and enjoy their time here. Somehow it affects their health and cold weather doesn't help much. I am soooo stressed of everything and I think I can't cope this any longer. But I rest my mind in God's confidence that He will help me all this.

Black Saturday

Today is a what we call Black Saturday. I miss the church service in Pinas this time, I haven't observed the leten season at all. I am as guilty as ever. But in my heart only God knows what is in here. I forgive erveryone that made me sad hehehe as it's the time of forgiveness.

It has been sleeting today, ane we enjoyed it a lot. We've been out in the garden playing with my baby Alanna and babe. It's been good! She loves it so much that she doesn't wanna get in our studio. And then, when inside the studio, she kept looking outside waiting for the snow to come back... :-)

Interview

Though I need to look for a new nursery for my daughter, I am also looking for a new job. Yesterday, I went for an interview for an Accountant position. I was so silly, I arrived an hour early to the company I was having interview with. But I managed to cracked a joke and they're a bit impressed. Anyway, they started me early as well, and the first person that interview me was a Filipino hahaha He looks so scrappy and I'm not impressed, but he's the Senior Financial Analyst on this company. The main office is in the US and he's going to stay here in UK until they established this position and then he said he'll move to India to set-up their branch there. I was impressed by his ability though, Pinoy talaga ang galing hahahaha His accent is of course American.

It wasn't for me though, but they said that I've done my interview very well. I've conducted myself in professional way and they can see myself working in their company. That was a great compliment for me as that was my first interview I went to this year. You know, if you have a baby, it feels like I've lost my confidence. But that was great comment actually, and they said that they will contact me if they have vacancy in the future. Who knows!

Under pressure

Oh well, it's not a very nice month for me. We're both under pressure in looking for a new nursery somehow, to put my baby in during the day. The one we've got which is very convenient to me is going to close down by the end of this month huhuhu I will surely miss everyone there and my baby has to adjust again to a new environment.

I was out looking for a better nursery but I was so stunned at the price. For a month it will cost £890 and that includes everything, from mappies to food. They've got best facility and care, of course for that amount of money, you should expect the best for your baby. But it's impossible for us to afford it, I might consider quitting my job and look after my baby instead of having to pay that much anyway. I don't know what to do really, but I've had bookings to check other nursery in my husband's place of work. Hopefully, that should work ok...

Happy Valentine's Day

Hmmm what could it be for tonight! Not much... as usual day, and nothing special. My dear baby is vomitting tonight, I'm a bit worried that she catch another virus from the nursery. I am very hesitant now and considering options to switch and look for a childminder. It's difficult, all I can say.

But anyway, before the day is done, I thought that my husband forget about today. I started getting funny and making a fuss but no joy as I said my baby was vomitting. So I stop and think, my baby is more important than a special Valentine's surprise. Anyhow, he had a surprise for me that made me teary. He's bought me flower and a card that says it all! Wonderful! Afterall, he did some effort. Happy Valentines to all...

Politics

I've been wanting to write about Office Politics but had no time at all to get it done. But let me ask you a question: How would you handle office politics?

It's the thing that been going around in my workplace at the moment. When I return from my 9-months long maternity leave, things have changed in my team. We've got new supervisor, new team members and a funtastic team now compared to what it was before. But the thing is, everyone is seem to be very nice and helpful and its too good to be true. Then I heard from someone that I should be careful because I didn't know how much politics is going on around me. I really didn't think about it too much to give negative feelings towards my new team mates, to be fair. But sometimes I can see where it come from. When they have extra time, they just talk about other people behind their back. I can see how office politics are playing around. Everyone is seemed to be extra nice to gain good credit from the management so they will be praised with the expense of the other.

I don't know... I'm just tired of working. I just want to move on really. I am hoping to get a new job soonest. I am happy where I am but sometime life gets too boring when there is no challenge at all. My work ethic is: Challenge is the best way to learn.

Jealousy

It's not me that's jealous hehehehe it's this one person, which I'm not going to tell you. I am furious, she can't accept the reality that there are other people that's better than her. I would be delighted and happy if all my friends are doing well in life. I am not jealous of what other's got at all. I am happily content whatever I've got. I am not trying to be rich in anyway, so I am a proud friend if I have a rich friend, who wouldn't? Oh Gosh! I'm fed up of her, always moaning about life and everything, and now she's jealous of my other friend. Unbelievable!

I ended up phoning Pinas to take this out from my system HuH! Anyway, we had a good day... though not feeling perfect but we're getting there over from our colds.

Bug

What a day today! it started with Alanna having cough and cold for weeks now and last night, she had high temperature. I took a day-off work and took her to the clinic, which they call it here "surgery". And the nurse said that she have an infections on her chest as she was coughing hard. I feel ruff as well as of now. I'd like to take "sicky" from work but no, I'd reather not as my work to do is piling-up now (I bet).

And as we just walked to the surgery today, we passed by few shops. But you know how it's like when your little one is not feeling better, she just kept crying in her pushchair. So I decided to just have buy couple of things... I bought myself a designer belt from Oscar dela Renta and a book for her. I nearly lost my leather gloves which Marcus bought me for Christmas. I quickly went back from where we went to in the shop and luckily it's there on the floor. He wouldn't be happy if it's lost.

You're 1 year older

Today we went to a birthday party of my friends baby. He's a year old too like my Alanna and he's so gorgeous. It was fun, we met a lot of babies and parents too. It was a bit emotional for my friend as he is her first son, just like me when we celebrated my daughter's. We just had a simple dinner at home with friends and family, I made it very special for her although we don't have a party. When she will turn 2 we will definitely have children's party, hopefully the house is done.

Well, anyway... it felt like it's a week-long celebration for my dear. We had pre-birthday with some family and relatives, and then on her actual day, we had it at home, then comes the weekend, it's the party. And as soon as we get home today, she was with her dad while I was in the kitchen, she made few first steps and my husband was so delighted. It was a bit special for him as she is always with me and all the "first" I had the opportunity to witness them. She made a lot of noise now and she tries to have a conversation. She also copy what adults are doing, and I guess it's time to watch what we're saying. It's funny how she put the telephone on her ear when she sees us talking on the phone. She get jealous when her dad cuddles mummy hehehehe she loves all the attention as well. She's more at ease with men than women, and the first thing she noticed in your face is your nose. She likes to pinch your nose hehehe When she's bunged-up, she did picked her nose and it's funny to see how those tiny fingers learned to pick those snoot inside (yucky!) Here's she is now on her birthday!

Pre-birthday celebration

Today we headed to Bury St. Edmunds to visit a relative. We also celebrate my girl's birthday and so with her Great Aunt's... we had a wonderful time and it was a pleasure to see them again.

My little one's getting all the attention and Poppy (the dog) was so funny, she loved to play with Alanna but she doesn't like her licking her face hehehe We had a lot of cakes mostly chocolate, and Alanna has to blow one that nanny bought for her. She got a lot presents as well, just like Christmas. And Poppy helped her open them. We enjoyed watching them, and had lots of fun. Suprisingly, she got a real gold heirloom jewelry from the neighbor. She's very kind and she's keen on Alanna. She gave Alanna a gold necklace with a ver nice pendant where you can put picture in it. Lucky girl, isn't she????

Troubled water

Wednesday was a bad day for the nursery where I put my daughter. They were on the paper and radio because they did not pass the OFSTED inspection. Its an independent government body to inspect and insure that all nursery and schools provide quality service and education. I was a bit worried because of course, it's like putting my daughter in my own risk. But I always come to see her at lunch time and there's nothing wrong with them. Now we are looking for other alternative for our little one. And hopefully, the Filipina I met last couple of years ago will be able to look after her.

New Year, New You

Today, I took our christmas tree down and packed them for the next year. It was a bit sad really, as the festivities has gone and passed, now we have to face the new year challenges. Come 2nd of January, most of us have to come back to work. They said that this date is the most depressing day of the year and it was reported that this is the most crucial time as a lot of people are feeling low. Well, not surprising! Anyway, we spent our new year detoxing the house but at the end of the day, it's still not finished. And everyday there is always clutter and it will accumulate into a big mess! It seems that my little baby is invading our space now. You can see toys everywhere and never ending toys...

Now that our tree is packed, it's a little bit organised now. I love to be organised, that is my forte, everything from clothes to cupboard. But unfortunately, our wardrobe is still a work-in-progress. When it's done, it will be perfect, for the meantime, I have to wish and wish it will be finished.

By the way, I got a card from my familt back home. It was nice to hear from them although I speak to them on the phone. Right now I am thinking of ringing them but we had a very costly phone bills last month. I know my husband was kinda aprehensive about it but what can I do, I miss them more often, but somehow he understand me. My friend told me about the number that you have to dial before you dial phone number in the Philippines. If you dial 0871 9997997 then the number you have to ring in Philippines, it is cheap calls. I think it's good idea as I dont have to buy call cards anymore.

Now it's 2008, I bet a lot of you had new years resolution. I used to write resolution when I was young, but then I realised that it was tiring hahahaha and now I don't do it anymore. I just go with flow and pray a lot for strength and good health in the years to come. There's nothing with new year's resolution as long you keep up with it and do it. it will do good for you. As they say - "Different strokes for Different folks"

Time's up!

We've finished all our gift wrapping tonight... oh! thanks God. We did it in our little studio, and Alanna loved it a lot. She was everywhere, whenever she saw me or daddy cutting papers, she's off, sat right on the paper and whack it all up! Well done hehehe and ribbons are everywhere too as it tagged along on her bottom. She's so funny. She kept on closing and opening the fridge door. Daddy couldn't think of anything to keep her busy and away from us doing the gift wrapping until after dinner, we're off to the studio again. Daddy brought her rattles, colored balls and boxes inside the little fridge. There she's busy taking it all off and putting them in again hahahaha By 9pm she's knockered! oh so tired and snoozed quite quickly. Oh hang on, she's winging. I gotta go .... Merry Christmas everybody!

My creation...

Make a scrapbook - it's easy!